gellert grindelwald

albus—

阿不思——

my watch is broken entirely. i don't know the date anymore. i don't care. the little upstart'sing for me delightful! best news all decade. & i simply love how you don't even bother telling me to lie. you know i'll do it for you, don't you

我的表徹底壞掉了。我完全不知道日期了。我不介意。那個自命不凡的小子要來找我了？太棒了！這是幾十年來最棒的消息。而且我太愛你了，你甚至沒有用謊言瞞著我。你知道我會為你做這一切的，是嗎？

fifty years, albus. fifty [illegible scrawl] how am i supposed to stand it if you're gone if you're broken, if you're finally as mad as you've always liked to pretend to be bad enough when you didn't write. bad enough when you went silent for this or for that, because you were too busy to bother, because you thought i wanted you to why would i want you to, because you had no time.

五十年！阿不思！五十年【潦草得難以辨認的字跡】沒有你我該如何忍受這一切？如果你被毀了，如果你真的像你自己說的那樣瘋掉了怎么辦？你不給我寫信就已經夠糟糕了。當你因為這樣那樣的原因不理我，就已經夠糟了——因為你太忙了不能被打擾，因為你想當然的假設了一堆我為什么讓你這么做的理由，因為你沒有時間了。

always no time. even now you say you're running out. stop lying to me. turn around and face me.

總是沒有時間。直到現在，你都在說你的時間不多了。別對我說謊！轉過來面對我！

voldemort send him up here. send the little serpent up here. you taught me lumency, i'll lie through my broken teeth and laugh in his face—oh, it's been too long since i've had a good face-laughing, way too long, i haven't even seen a face in years—& he'll make it quick and clean, won't he, because i'm supposed to be afraid of death death who we sought to master death who would be our third partner in hallowing this world do you think he'd be ashamed to be caught red-handed in a simple mercy-killing i want to laugh & laugh & laugh at him—

伏地魔？讓他來啊。讓那條小衰蛇來啊！你教過我大腦封閉術，我會用我碎掉的牙齒朝他笑的——哦，我已經失去我那漂亮的笑容很久了，我很多年沒見過活人了——他會讓一切結束得干脆利落，他以為我會畏懼死亡，不是嗎？畏懼曾差點被我們主宰的死亡？畏懼本應成為我們征服世界的第三個伙伴——死亡？你覺得他會因為給人實行安樂死的時候被抓個現行而感到羞恥嗎？我想沖他笑，大笑，狂笑——

you taught me lumency, in godric's hollow, a millennia ago. your mind was red gold and restoring fire. it was agony to have to block it out. your fingers were long and slender on your wand. we were together, the world was good, the water ran clear, and then she died—

你曾教過我大腦封閉術，在戈德裏克山谷，經年之前。你的思想是金紅色的烈火。不得不把這樣的美麗的思想阻擋在外是一件很痛苦的事。你握著魔杖的手指纖細修長。彼時我們還在一起，世界美麗如初，溪水清澈，然后，她死了——

his mind won't taste good, will it i'll not swoon simply from seeing another human being i'll do right by you for once & you'll take it to your grave years from now when you finally bother to shuffle on & change the world yet again, you pompous, beautiful arse.

他的思想一定不怎么美味，是嗎？我不會因為看到另一個活人出現在我面前就驚喜地暈過去吧？我終于能為你做一件正確的事了嗎？然后，在你將它帶進墳墓的歲月之后，你終于不再煩惱如何艱難地再一次改變這個世界，你這個自負、美麗的混蛋。

i can laugh even under torture, remember he'll never get it. look at me, albus, i've given up & gone mad. sob into your sherry all you want now. i'd always faintly hoped you'd have the guts to own up to me—

無論受到怎樣的折磨我都能笑出來，還記得嗎？他永遠不可能擁有它?？粗遥⒉凰?，我已經放棄了，已經完全瘋掉了?，F在對著你的雪莉酒盡情的哭泣吧。我一直懷著微小的希望，你會有勇氣向我坦白。

you ask after remorse. well, i've gone mad now, so it's quite all right to tell you. decades, albus, decades sick with guilt. muggle shrieks in my sleep. thoughts of the lines of the dead i sent forth, the huddles of their families i left behind. bodies turned under for mulch. there was a girl with a red shawl who wouldn't stop screaming. she's been dead fifty years and she won't stop screaming. why do you think i clung to you so you were better than me, more or less.

你問起過的懺悔。好吧，我現在已經瘋掉了，所以我會將一切告訴你。這幾十年來，阿不思，被懊悔折磨的這幾十年，麻瓜們的尖叫回蕩在我的睡夢中。我想到那些在前線被我殺掉的人，想到我給他們的家庭釀成的慘劇。那些尸體逐漸化成地上的污泥。一個系著紅色圍巾的女孩不停地尖叫。她已經死了五十年了，依然不停地尖叫。你以為我為什么要纏著你？你比我要好，或多或少。

of course, you knew that all along. that i regret, hate myself, hate what i did. just like you knew that i would die for your idiot plans for it. just like you knew that i'd write back when you wanted me to. just like you knew that i've loved you since the day we met.

當然，你一直知道這個。我的懺悔，我對自己的恨意，對我所做的一切的恨意。正如你知道我會為你那愚蠢的計劃去死一樣，正如你知道我會在你想讓我回信的時候回信，正如你知道我愛你，自我們相識的第一天起。

& you must kill the boy & you mustn't care about me. potter & i your sacrificial lambs, burnt offerings to voldemort & the greater good.

你必須殺死那個男孩，你更不用考慮我。波特和我，是你給伏地魔獻祭的羔羊，為了更偉大的利益。