tops, grateful and wrong footed and unsure. ※i-§

※just say thank you, cap,§ tony interrupts, looking down at his phone again. steve watches him for a moment, taking in how exhausted he looks.

※thank you,§ steve says quietly. tony doesn＊t look up or even acknowledge it so steve turns his attention to both the tablet and the cheeseburgers. there are four of them in the bag but he＊s far fromplaining; he wolfs down two of them whilst still reading the first story tony has loaded up for him, something about a business merger in chicago that＊s being violently objected to by a couple of other corporations. he can＊t quite focus on it though; he＊s hyper-aware of tony only sitting a few feet away from him, close enough to touch. fresh in his mind is the image of seeing seven back with his tony as well, and he just knows that seeing how easy and happy things were between them is most definitely linked to the strange feeling in his chest that just won＊t shift.

he flicks to the next news story, then looks up at tony. tony is still looking at his phone. steve swallows and looks back down, barely taking in the headline about some stupid thing some senator said about welfare whilst within earshot of a reporter and his microphone-

※so,§ tony suddenly says, voice casual and eyes still most determinedly on his phone. ※this is awkward, right?§

breathing out in sigh, steve reaches up to rub his face. ※tony, i＃§

he trails off, has no idea what to say. he feels miserable and confused and full of god-knows what other feelings, ones he can＊t or doesn＊t want to identify.

※why didn＊t you tell me?§ tony asks abruptly, and steve looks up at him, startled. ※what you found out when you were there,§ tony presses, eyes intense, and with a horrible lurch steve realises that tony knows.

※clint told you,§ he says hollowly, and tony nods jerkily.

※i,§ steve begins. ※i don＊t know what to say,§ he says helplessly. ※look, me and you are 每 we＊re me and you. that shouldn＊t be influenced by whatever other versions of ourselves have done, by what i＊ve seen.§

※i didn＊t see anything,§ tony says quietly. ※so it＊s not about influence, is it? it＊s realisation.§

and it feels like steve＊s heart has just stopped with a painful jolt because god, it＊s one thing to hear it from clint and another thing entirely to hear the admission from tony＊s own mouth.

※i thought i＊d killed you,§ tony says, voice rough and raw, and it＊s as if now the words areing he just can＊t stop them. ※and you know what was the worst thing? it wasn＊t the guilt. it wasn＊t the guilt that was the worst, it was the thought that i might have to get up every day without you there. do you not get it?§

steve opens his mouth, closes it again. he feels utterly helpless. the small sad smile that twists tony＊s mouth shows that he understands.

※i＊m going to la for a while,§ tony says out of nowhere, looking away. ※a few months at least, got a few projects out there that probably need working on, will keep me busy for a while.§

※what?§ steve manages, feelingpletely winded. ※why?§

※i need to get my head on straight, and you need some space from me,§ tony says frankly. ※work out if it＊s influence or not, and where we stand afterwards.§

※i don＊t want you to go,§ steve says, and goddamn it, why is he saying this stupid things to tony when he knows how tony feels? it＊s not about what he wants in the wake of his ident; he can＊t keep tony by his side for stupid selfish reasons when tony is clearly struggling with this strange new thing that＊s going on between them-

tony just shrugs. ※you need me to.§

※but-§

※seriously, cap,§ tony interrupts, still looking everywhere apart from at steve. ※i know what i＊ve said, and i＊m literally kicking my own ass for being honest and not just hiding it, and i don＊t want you to do anything stupid because of what i＊ve said or what you＊ve seen. it＊s got to be what you want.§

steve swallows. he waits until tony looks up at him, stomach churning ufortably. ※and if i don＊t want.§

※then you don＊t get,§ tony says simply.