me.”

”and i'll string him up with his own bowstring.”

”i don't understand why you're hiding this—”

”not hiding,” tony clarified quickly, ”i promise. it's just, steve, you don't understand. these people have been obsessively envisioning us in a relationship since the first time i kidnapped you, and it actually came true. this sort of thing doesn't happen to them very often, alright? hell, we broke their website, it only came back online yesterday, and that's because i donated a large amount of money to increase their bandwidth. you do not want to venture in there right now. trust me, okay?”

”i suppose.” steve sighed, opening the door to the classroom, holding it for tony.

”thank y—”

tony was interrupted by a large barrage of water balloons.

”oh shit, it's stark!”

the thrower of the first balloon—downey, of course, because when the fuck wasn't that kid a pain in his ass—waved his hands for a ceasefire. tony stood there a moment, sopping wet, trying to remember that murder was illegal.

”if you're curious about my newest supervillain origin?” tony hissed to steve, pointing a finger at downey, who still had a whole bucket of water balloons at his feet, ”it's that asshole right there.”

”we thought you'd be the sub!” chris hemsworth, tony's australian transfer, put his hands in the air innocently.

”and you pelt all your subs with water balloons?” steve asked, disapproval clear.

”it was robert's idea!” a student pointed at robert guiltily.

”yeah, he bought all the balloons and everything!” another agreed.

”and i'm sure he held you all at gunpoint to fill them up?” tony scowled at his class. they fidgeted, various 'no's and 'i guess not's answering him after a moment.

”i only came up with it because the news said you probably weren'ting back!” downey protested, ”and that wasn't fair! you promised we were stuck with you, you can't just go running off on us just cause you're some bigshot superhero now!”

”i—i didn't run off, i saved your sorry asses from a bomb, i think i get a couple days off! and what good would attacking your sub do if i had?”

”fluffalo said causing shit would make youe back!” downey insisted. ”and look, he was right!”

”throw me under the bus, why don't you?” mark shot robert a look. then, when steve turned his stern gaze on him, he shuffled his feet a bit. ”it's just, if we cause trouble for a sub it gets reported back to the teacher. i thought it might make it more likely that you'd. you know.e back. even if it's just to read us the riot act.”

tony stared at the little bastards in silence.

”fuck it, i'm taking another day off.” he turned to leave.

”tony.” steve rolled his eyes, planting a hand on tony's chest to stop him in place. ”they just missed you.”

”they attacked me—”

”because they missed you.”

”we missed you, too.” robert piped up to steve. ”class isn't half as fun when stark's not showing off for someone.”

”well, since you missed him just as much…” tony walked over to where robert was and reached into the bucket at his feet. ”i think he deserves the same warm wee, don't you?”

”tony, i swear, if you—” steve's threat was cut off by a water balloon to the face. ”ohhh, you're going to regret that.”

”you gonna make me?” tony wagged his eyebrows daringly.

”your kids versus mine. after school. the quad.” steve challenged with a grin, brushing back his wet hair to get it out of his eyes.

”you're on.” tony extended a hand to seal the deal. steve clasped it and shook, and tony only narrowly resisted the urge to pull steve forward and seal it another way; he could tell steve was thinking the same. tony gave a devious smirk. ”oh, what's that, steve? you don't have any water balloons and i'm not sharing? shame.”

”oh, what's that, jarvis?” steve pulled out his phone, waving it with a smirk. ”you have tony's credit card on file and i have all first period free to go buy water balloons while tony has to teach? shame.”

”you're evil, robinson.” even as he said it, tony couldn't help the grin that threatened to split his face in half. ”pure evil.”

”baby, you ain't seen nothin' yet,” steve ”ed, shooting tony one last smile before ducking out the door.

”dude, you were right.” one of his students turned to another. ”they could get more obvious.”

”obvious about what?” tony raised an eyebrow at the student in question.

”did i say something?” they blinked back at him innocently. ”nothing, i said nothing.”

”okay, whatever, i don't care—new plan, we'll do science tomorrow. today, we prepare for war.”

”this place is so much better than my last school.” chris enthused.

”first thing's first: downey, you're eighteen and have loose morals,e here.”

”was that ae on?”

”i'm going to do us both a favor and et you ever asked that.” tony pulled out his wallet. ”you have a car?”

”yeah.”

”good. here's a couple hundred bucks. sign yourself out, hit the nearest target, get every bag of water balloons and all the supersoakers you can find.”

”did you just encourage me to skip school?”

”what are you talking about?” tony quirked his head, eyes wide, the picture of innocence. ”downey? robert downey? i haven't seen him all day, what do you mean he skipped school?”

”right.” downey grinned, epting the money.

”go on.” tony shooed him out. ”steve drives like 10 miles an hour, if you go now you can get there before he does and buy them out. meet us out back on the basketball courts; there's a hose we can use to fill up, and some willing troops we can recruit.”

”coach barden?”

”what?” clint was busy fiddling with his whistle; that bastard stark had filled it with glue again.

”are we doing a co-op class today?” the student asked.